Darrell Vesterfelt
Jan 8, 2026

What If There Is No Such Thing as Failure?

Every "failure" I've had taught me something I couldn't have learned any other way. Maybe we're asking the wrong question.

Have you ever talked to someone who said they don't have regrets because all of their decisions led them to the place they are at, and the place they are at is right where they are supposed to be?

Yeah, I hate that guy.

And I have hated that sentiment for most of my life…

If I had to sum up the last two years of my personal life in one word, "failure" would be it.

In fact, I am sure there are several people (including a whole gaggle of people who used to call themselves my friend) who might use that as a descriptive term for me. And you know, they might not be wrong on a lot of levels.

I had a marriage that ended because of choices I made.

I had a business that subsequently folded.

I had client projects fizzle out.

I failed to meet my own standards.

To many people and to myself, I've been a failure.

I could easily write a story titled "How to Fail by Darrell", and it would sit in the non-fiction section of Barnes & Noble. People who know me could write reviews of how they'd been there when it happened or how they saw it coming.

And that story of failure has been one that has followed me my entire life.

The story I've been telling myself

I'm not sure exactly where I learned this story, but it stems so far back that I don't recall ever living inside of a different one.

Each circumstance of my life I look back on has a filter of failure; of not living up to potential; of missing an opportunity; of hurting someone I cared about; of momentarily winning before the inevitable demise.

You get the idea. Maybe you even resonate with it on some level. We've all had these stories.

But lately, I've been wanting to tell myself a new story because, frankly, I have been miserable living with the view that I always fuck everything up.

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Recently, I went through a pretty hard transition.

I had a meaningful relationship end on the same week of the anniversary of my failed marriage.

It led me to a pretty sad place. If I am being honest, there was a day where I barely made it out of bed. I felt like such a failure. I felt like everything was my fault.

And you know what? It probably was.

I was the common denominator between every single failed relationship.

I was a part of every. single. one. of. them.

I started to realize that the failure was my fault.

It's a pretty sobering place to realize that you are the perpetuator of all of your pain. There really is no one else to blame but yourself.

It's humbling to say the least, but if I am being honest, it was also a little empowering.

If you're the problem, you're also the solution

Not long after that I was hanging with a friend and explaining how I realized I was the source of all of my pain. That I no longer wanted to blame anyone else for my problems.

I was really proud to tell him I'd figured this out. It made me feel enlightened, like I had reached an elevated place from blaming my pain on everyone else around me.

He looked at me, smiled and said, "If you are the perpetuator of your pain, then you are also the healer for all of your pain."

He went on to ask me what would happen if I started telling myself a different story about all of my failure? Instead of saying "I messed up, hurt people and lost something", what if I started telling myself a better story?

What if I believed that nothing was lost, and everything was gained?

What if everything served as a way to bring more awareness to myself. More and deeper understanding to what was behind all of the decisions that led me to the point of "failure". Wouldn't that be an incredible gift? Would that perspective be less painful, and more empowering?

What if my story wasn't of loss and failure, but of gain and healing?

The story we tell ourselves becomes our reality

I think it might be that simple. All it takes is a shifting in the mind.

If we tell ourselves a story of failure, we live in a reality of failure. If we tell ourselves a story of growth, progress and healing, that is the literal reality that we create for ourselves and then live in.

I don't know about you, but I am going to keep reminding myself this week that the story I tell myself, might be the first step toward creating the reality that I live in every single day.

I think this is going to be a good week if I can tell myself a power positive and helpful story.

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